


Buck & Eddie = Buddie

by divcon



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Dubious Consent, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Father Figure Bobby Nash, Feelings, Light Angst, M/M, minor dubcon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-04
Updated: 2020-01-07
Packaged: 2021-02-22 09:01:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22113466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/divcon/pseuds/divcon
Summary: What happens when a kiss occurs?  What happened in Buck's past to make him the way he is?  When did Eddie realise what his feelings meant?  Where will they go from here?Not the best summary, but there you go.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Comments: 11
Kudos: 248





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own these characters but they are fun to play with. 
> 
> I haven't written in a while but this idea was stuck in my head and it wouldn't go away, so here it is.

Bobby looked over at Athena and raised his eyebrows when he heard the knock on the door. His wife shrugged her shoulders in response. After checking the time, it was just past midnight, he went to answer the door. As soon as he opened it he saw Buck standing on his doorstep. He looked at the young man, noticing his pale features and wide eyes. The last time that Buck had shown up at his house this late it was to tell them about the lawsuit. Before Bobby could speak, Buck did.

“I think I just did something really stupid.”

Bobby stepped back and let Buck come inside. The young man walked down the stairs, mumbling to himself and wringing his hands. It was only when he reached the bottom of the stairs did he look up. Athena had walked over as soon as she had heard his voice and now she was standing in front of him and he finally took notice of what she and Bobby were wearing.

“Oh my god, it’s late, you guys were going to bed. I should just go, I shouldn’t have come over, I’m sorry, I should just go. I should just….”

Athena placed her hand on his cheek, telling him that it was ok. She smiled at him gently and then turned to Bobby as he stepped up beside Buck. She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before turning back to Buck.

“It’s ok Buck. I’m gonna go to bed and let you two boys talk.” She said softly with a kind look at the young man in front of her. Glancing once more at her husband, she held his gaze for a little longer and he nodded at her silent message. Smiling in response, she turned from the two men and left the room.

Bobby watched his wife leave the room; he knew that her look had many messages in it. Look after him, find out what is wrong, help him. Bobby intended to do all of those things. As much as he griped about Buck, he thought of him as a son and he hated seeing him like this. So he gently took his elbow and led him to the couch. Making sure he was comfortable before taking a seat himself. He waited a moment for Buck to start talking but the other man just sat there, staring off into space, and shaking his head. 

“Buck? What’s going on? You have to talk to me if you want me to help.”

Buck turned to face Bobby, and Bobby could see the fear in his young friends’ eyes. Something had really rattled him and it caused Bobby to pause. Was he the right person to give Buck advice? Should he tell him to go and speak to his sister? Taking a deep breath, he realised that Buck had come to him for a reason and he would just have to do the best that he could.

“Buck, buddy, tell me what’s happened.”

Buck opened his mouth a couple of times but no sound came out. He looked so lost.

“It’s ok. I’m not going anywhere, take your time.”

“I don’t know why I came,” he said, as he went to stand up but Bobby took hold of his hand and told him to sit back down. 

“I don’t know where to start. I’m so confused.”

“Start at the beginning Buck. Telling me everything might help you see things more clearly.”

Buck nodded and took a deep breath. He still took a couple of minutes, which Bobby sat quietly by his side, before he started to talk.

“You remember what I was like when I first started at the station. With women, I mean.”

It wasn’t the beginning that Bobby meant but he just nodded and let Buck continue. He wasn’t even sure if Buck had seen his nod, the young man had a glazed look in his eyes, as if he was stuck in his own memories.

_____________________________________________________________________

Buck looked around at the group of people he was sitting with. He didn’t really know any of them. They were Katherine’s friends and they’d only been going steady for a couple of months. As his eyes moved from person to person, he tried to remember who they were and how they knew Kat but then his eyes were snagged by the bluest eyes he had ever seen and his heart started to beat faster. He couldn’t seem to break eye contact and he could see the glint in those eyes, eyes that could see deep into his soul, looking for his secret. A secret even he didn’t know that he was keeping. He finally managed to tear his gaze away when Kat sat down beside him and kissed his cheek. When he turned his head completely to look at her, she kissed him fully and deeply, unashamed by her friends who were catcalling and cheering. He wasn’t used to this type of camaraderie. He didn’t really have any friends. He was eighteen and he didn’t feel like he fitted in anywhere and therefore kept to himself or acted like the school clown. He hadn’t even asked Kat out, she had asked him. When they had finished kissing, Kat turned to her friends and told them all to shut up, even though she was laughing as she said it. Quickly standing up, she took Buck’s hand and the two of them walked off, leaving her friends behind. As they walked by the river, she told him how she had told her parents that she was staying at a friend’s house and that she didn’t have to actually go home that night. Buck just looked at her, wondering why she was telling him this. She raised her eyebrows and smiled that smile and Buck finally caught on to what she was saying. 

He asked her if she was sure, because he sure as hell wasn’t. But when her smile grew larger and she nodded he thought why the hell not. He had to loose his virginity at some point, why not now. She was beautiful and she had chosen him. Just because his heart didn’t beat crazily whenever he looked at her, unlike with blue eyes his mind whispered, didn’t mean that he didn’t care for her. And maybe having sex with her would bring on those deeper feelings he kept hearing about. But then he realised that not expecting anything like this, he didn’t have any protection on him. Telling her this, she just smiled that smile again and said that she had it all covered. 

He nodded his head and let her lead him further down the path. Maybe he would enjoy it after all. He was surprised when they came across a cabin, even more so when Kat pulled out a key and unlocked the door. Motioning him inside, she followed and then closed the door behind them.

“What is this place?” he asked

“It belongs to Andy’s parents.”

“Your ex Andy?”

“Yeah, we came here last year. It was fun and when I asked him for the key, he happily gave it to me.”

Buck just shook his head. Sure, he knew that Andy and Kat had remained friends when they broke up six months ago but this was just weird. He started to wonder why she had been here with Andy before. It didn’t take long to figure out that they had been here to have sex with no chance of interruption. So, it was only him who was a virgin in this relationship. It didn’t surprise him, Kat was a beautiful girl but it did worry him that he wouldn’t be good enough for her. She must have seen his nervousness because she took his hand and pulled him in for a kiss.

“Don’t worry, Andy is fine. He knows why I wanted the key. He’s happy for us. Besides, he has Angela now. Do you want to go to the bedroom?” As she spoke, she let her hand trail down his body, finally resting on his cock. She squeezed gently, and then rubbed her hand up and down and Buck’s body responded automatically. Smiling, she removed her hand and led him to the bedroom. She slowly led him to the bed and then pushed him down before landing on top of him and kissing him.

“Let me do this for you. I like to be in charge.” She purred as she started to undo the button on his jeans before lowering the zip. She grabbed the waistband of his jeans and underwear at the same time, yanking them down, instructing him to lift his hips. Buck felt like a nobody, he felt like she didn’t really even see him as him, just as a warm body to screw. But his body was telling a different story. His penis was hard and erect and he let out a guttural moan when she fastened her mouth over the head of it and started to suck. His head fell back against the pillow as her mouth brought him pleasures that he had never felt before, not even from him own hand. She covered him with the condom and lowered herself onto him. Closing his eyes he let the wave of pleasure rush over him but when they were finished he realised that he felt no different than he had before they had had sex. Maybe there was something wrong with him.

As they lay side by side in the bed, Buck wondered why he didn’t feel more. Surely what they had just done should have meant more to him but he couldn’t feel anything that he thought he should. He still cared about Kat but he didn’t have a burning passion for her. Sure, he had enjoyed the sex but that was all that it had been. Sex, pure and simple. It hadn’t meant anything. Not really. Kat snuggled into him and he felt bereft. He couldn’t find any comfort in her being in his arms. Maybe he should end it with her. She deserved someone who could love her the way that she should be loved. Just as he was about to open his mouth and destroy her world, she spoke,

“Buck, that was amazing but I don’t think we should see each other any more. I don’t think that you are the guy for me. I’m sorry to do this to you now but I don’t want to lead you on. The sex was great, but there has to be more and I’m just not feeling it. I’m sorry. Plus I’m going away to college in a couple of weeks so it really wouldn’t have worked out anyway.”

She pulled away from him and got out of the bed before pulling down her skirt and walking out of the room. Buck just lay there processing what had just happened. She hadn’t even taken off her clothes. He finally realised that she had just used him for sex and he didn’t even care. Maybe he wasn’t as screwed up as he had thought. Maybe this was normal. Maybe people just had sex and that was ok. Maybe he could do that. Maybe that was all he needed. He couldn’t seem to make any real connections with anyone. The only person he had a bond with was Maddie and she had Doug now. A man that Buck didn’t like or trust but he trusted his sister.

Pulling on his clothes, he walked out of the cabin without looking back. He would notch this up as one of life’s little lessons and move on. There would be plenty of women out there for him to enjoy. Maybe one day he would find someone who he connected with but until then, he would make the most out of life.

“She dumped you, didn’t she?”

Buck turned around at the sound of the voice and found himself staring into those same blue eyes.

“Yeah she did.”

“I thought so. As soon as she took you to the cabin, I knew that this would happen. Did she fuck you first?”

Taken aback by the blunt question, Buck just stared back.

“She’s done it before and she’ll do it again. She’s a slut. She likes to take guys virginity and then dump them. She sees it as a conquest.”

“Well…” Buck didn’t know what to say to that. This was Karl, Kat’s friend and he couldn’t believe what he was saying. Buck looked down at his feet, trying to figure out how to leave without having to say anything else. When he looked up, Karl was right in front of him. Buck took a step back but he couldn’t move very far as he had backed himself up against a tree.

“Don’t worry, you’ll get over it. I’m sure that the sex was great, but I don’t think that you were exactly feeling it either, were you?”

Before Buck could answer, Karl had leaned in and grabbed Buck’s head before kissing him soundly on the lips. Buck’s eyes flew open but he didn’t push the man away immediately. He was lost in the sensations that this man was eliciting in him and he would have been lost forever if it were not for the loud laughter that sounded way to close for comfort. 

He quickly pushed Karl away, slightly horrified at what had just happened. He was confused; he had never been interested in a guy before. His father had berated a gay couple that he had seen walking down the street. What would he say if he knew what Buck had just been doing? It was wrong; his father had said as much. He sidestepped Karl as the other man went to take him in his arms again.

“What are you doing to me?” Buck asked angrily.

“Nothing that you didn’t want to do.” Karl shot back.

“You’re wrong, this is wrong. You were taking advantage of me. You knew what Kat had just done and you used it to your advantage. You’re sick.”

Buck turned and ran away. How was he going to face people knowing what he had just done with Karl? He needed to get away from here, start fresh somewhere else. After what happened with Kat and now Karl, he was so confused.

Buck didn’t hang around for long after that fateful night. He couldn’t get the image of Karl out of his head and he knew that if he stayed any longer he might track down that man and act on the urges that he had been having. His dreams had been full of things that he wanted to do to him and he had woken many nights to cum drenched sheets. He didn’t know what he wanted to do; he just knew that he had to leave. He had gotten in his car and driven away, waving goodbye to his parents and vowing never to look back. He had to put the whole Karl episode behind him. Find some woman who could bring him the same amount of joy and arousal.

It took him a number of years, lots of menial jobs and meaningless sex to work out what he wanted. He joined the LAFD. During his training, he found himself physically pushed to the extreme and he loved it. His body had never felt better and he thought that he had finally found a place where he belonged. He trained harder than he ever had before and he placed high in his graduating class. When the station assignments were handed out, he was sad that he was the only recruit to be assigned to the 118 but he knew that he would fit in. They all had at least one thing in common, their love of the job.

The night before his first day at the 118, Buck found himself sitting at the bar of a local nightclub when a beautiful blonde sat down beside him. He glanced over and smiled before starting a conversation. It didn’t take long before they were walking out of the club and down the street to his car, which he had parked in a darkened alley. When they reached his jeep, the blonde pushed him against the hood and started kissing him. Buck responded immediately, turning them around so that he had the dominant position. He lifted her up and she wrapped her legs around him, gyrating against him. He had grown to love sex but that was all it still was to him. Years later, he still hadn’t found anyone that he could have a real connection with. The woman’s groans brought him back to the present as she wiggled her way out of her panties. He reached down and unzipped his pants. He had gone commando, knowing that this would be how the night ended. He just had the presence of mind to put a condom on before he slammed into the woman, making her scream in pleasure. Buck smiled; he knew he was good at this. He pumped hard, watching as the woman reached her climax and plummeted into the chasm of erotic pleasure. 

He continued to thrust into her until he exploded. When he stopped pulsing, he withdrew and got dressed, allowing the woman to do the same. She smiled up at him.

“Wow, thanks for that. It was just what I needed. Can I buy you a drink?”

Buck looked at her and realised that he didn’t want to go back in. He told her thanks but that he had to leave as he had to start a new job in the morning.

Buck walked in through the large doorway at the 118 and looked around for someone to give him directions. Looking up when he heard laughter he made his way up the stairs. Introducing himself, he asked for the captain and was a little worried when no one knew who Captain Nash was. But the laughter soon gave way to welcomes when a chair was pushed out for him to sit down. 

As he sat and grabbed some food, he felt, as weird as it was for only a few minutes, home. These people accepted him straight away. They seemed like good people and he was looking forward to getting to know them and getting to know his place in the group.

_____________________________________________________________________

Buck stood in front of Bobby, next to the woman he was just having sex with. He couldn’t stand to see the look of disappointment in his eyes, but Bobby’s next words were a gut punch.

“You’re fired.”

Buck looked at Bobby, stunned. He asked about his other warning; Bobby told him that he was doing the same thing that he had written him up for two days earlier. Buck felt like his whole world was imploding, the woman left, he listened as Bobby told him about not respecting the station, he begged Bobby, telling him that this job was all that he had. He even said that he was a sex addict. Bobby didn’t take that one well and Buck realised that it was a stupid thing to say. 

Back at the house, he cleaned out his locker and watched as his team went out on a call, feeling desolate. He hung around the station as long as he could. He didn’t want to leave. This place felt more like home than anywhere else had every felt. He needed this job, these people. They kept him grounded, gave him a purpose. Eventually he realised that he couldn’t stay and he was making his way out when his phone rang. He answered and was surprised to hear Sergeant Grant on the other end. He knew that he hadn’t made a good impression with her and he was wondering why she would be calling him. To say that he was surprised with what she asked him to do would be an understatement. But he quickly agreed and returned inside the house.

Talking to Abby that day would turn his life around in so many unexpected ways and he found himself making a lasting connection with someone. He had made the call not to meet up with her because he knew that he would be a total dick and he was glad that he had. Being with her had shown him that he could find happiness and have a meaningful relationship.

And it wasn’t just about sex because that hadn’t factored into it until much later. The time he spent with Abby had shown his what could be in his future. Even though their break up was unconventional to say the least, he felt that he had grown so much as a man and a person. She had given him that. Ali had also shown him that you can grow with a person but that you can never change who you fundamentally are. Their break up was just as hard on him but ultimately, he was glad she had ended it rather than trying to change him. But now, it meant that his feelings for someone else were starting to grow and he was scared about what to do with them.

_____________________________________________________________________

Bobby sat beside Buck, waiting for him to speak. After ten minutes of silence and touched the young man’s shoulder and called out to him. But it was like Buck was miles away and couldn’t be reached. Bobby tried one more time.

“Buck, can you hear me? Buck?” Still no response. “Evan!” 

Bobby had raised his voice but it seemed to have done the trick. Buck turned his head and looked at Bobby. “Buck, what’s wrong?”

“I kissed my best friend. I kissed Eddie.”


	2. Chapter 2

Bobby looked over at Buck, surprised but not shocked. He had seen how the boys had been with each other from the very beginning. Ok, not from the VERY beginning but ever since they worked on the patient with the mortar shell in his leg, they had been inseparable, except during the lawsuit. Their bond had only grown over time and he had seen how Buck was with Christopher and how Eddie was with Buck. They evened each other out. That it had taken this long for something to happen is what surprised Bobby but clearly this had thrown Buck for a loop.

“What happened?” Bobby asked gently.

Buck turned to him, a surprised look on his face before asking why Bobby wasn’t mad at him. Puzzled, Bobby asked why Buck thought he would be mad. Buck’s answer shocked him. 

“Because my dad would be.”

“Then that is your dad’s issue, not yours. You care about who you care about. If that is Eddie, then so be it. I’ve seen you with him, you look happy and having Christopher in your life is a great thing. The way you are with him, it shows me how much you have grown over the last few years. Buck, you’ve survived some dire things but you have come through them and are a better man for it. Eddie will be lucky to have you.”

“But that’s the problem, what if he doesn’t want me the way that I want him?”

“Did he say that?”

“I didn’t give him a chance to say anything. After I kissed him, I took off. I drove around for a while berating myself for what I had done, how I had risked the best friendship that I’ve ever had. And then I came here. He’s never even intimated that he likes men. He was married, has a kid. Hell they were going to stay together when they thought Shannon was pregnant again. What the hell am I thinking?”

“Buck, calm down. Up until now, you have never acknowledged that you see men that way either. All those women you were with. And then there was Abby and Ali. You seemed happy with your relationships. Did you ever think that maybe Eddie is the same?”

Buck looked at the man that he considered a father and took in the words that he had said. It was true; he had suppressed that side of himself for so long that it had been hard to accept that it was a part of him. But Eddie had just made him feel again. Even when he was with Shannon, Buck had cared deeply for his friend. But to have just kissed him out of the blue like that was uncalled for. He had to make things right but how in the hell was he going to do that? Running away probably wasn’t the best thing to do but he had been so embarrassed. He felt his phone vibrate and closed his eyes. He knew that it was Eddie. He had so many missed calls from him. Taking the phone out, he checked the display and was surprised to see that it was Maddie.  
Holding up the phone so that Bobby could see the screen, he apologised for the interruption before answering the call.

“Hey Mads, what’s up?”

“Evan Buckley, where in the hell are you?”

“Umm, I’m at Bobby and Athena’s. What’s wrong?”

“I’ve had Eddie ringing me every 20 minutes to see if I have heard from you. What’s happened? Did you two have another fight? He sounded very worried, said he’s been trying to reach you but you haven’t answered.”

“I did something stupid Maddie and I just need to figure out what to do about it.”

“Aww Buck. Can I help?”

“Not right now, I have to think. I’ll come by tomorrow. OK?”

“OK. Call me if you need me. And call Eddie!”

“Not just yet. If you could call him and tell him I’m fine that would be a great help.”

Maddie agreed but only if Buck would come over first thing in the morning. He quickly said yes and then hung up. He looked over at Bobby briefly before standing up. He thanked the man for listening and after assuring him that he would be fine, Buck left. On the drive home, he couldn’t stop thinking about the kiss. 

_____________________________________________________________________

He had just had a wonderful night with Eddie and Christopher. They had had dinner and played some video games. Christopher had asked Buck to tuck him in and read him a story. Buck had been overwhelmed until he looked at Eddie. Eddie just smiled and told Buck to pick a short book otherwise he’d be in there all night. Buck nodded and then followed Christopher down the hallway and watched him brush his teeth before he got into bed. Buck pulled the sheet up and tucked Chris in before lying down next to him to read the book that Chris had chosen. As he read the last word, Buck looked down to see Chris fast asleep. Leaning over the boy, Buck placed a gentle kiss on his forehead and whispered sleep tight to him before getting off the bed. As he turned towards the door, he saw Eddie standing there with a soft smile on his face. Buck stared at his friend for a while and then he was struck by a wave of emotions. Emotions that he hadn’t felt in quite a while. He had cared deeply for both Abby and Ali but there was something different about this. Something primal.

Squashing those feelings down, Buck left Chris’ room and made for the living room where he had dropped his keys. He picked them up and walked towards the front door all before Eddie had even made it to the living room. 

“Hey, where are you going? I thought we were gonna play some more. I want to beat you without you claiming that Christopher helped me.”

“I gotta go. Just realised how late it is.”  
“Buck, it’s 8.30. What has gotten into you? Sit back down so I can kick your arse.”

Buck looked at Eddie and knew that if he left now, it would raise even more questions so he put his keys down and sat on the sofa, leaving a lot of room between him and Eddie, and picked up the controller. Maybe he was just overreacting. He could do this. He and Eddie were just friends. Very good friends. He had never had a best male friend before. As the game progressed, both men moved a lot on the sofa and eventually they were seated next to each other, ribbing each other, poking each other with their elbows. Finally the game was over and with Buck declared as the winner both men stood up and Buck grabbed his keys and made his way to the door again. After Eddie opened the door for his friend, he turned to Buck.

“Hey mate, thanks for helping with Christopher. You know how much he loves you right?”

“I love him too Eddie and I love being around him.”

Eddie smiled and then asked Buck if he was going to tell him what had been up with him earlier. Buck just shrugged his shoulders and told him that it was nothing to worry about. Eddie took him at his word and nodded. As Buck was leaving Eddie grabbed his wrist and pulled him in for a hug, slapping him on the back and thanking him again for everything that he did for them. As they separated, Eddie’s arms remained around Buck’s shoulders and the two men looked at each other. Buck slowly lent in and placed his lips gently on Eddie’s lips. Closing his eyes, he briefly kissed his best friend. When he lifted his head, he fully realised what he had actually done and his eyes widened in shock. He quickly stepped away from Eddie, turned around and ran to his car. He had no idea where he was going but he just drove.

_____________________________________________________________________

Shaking his head, Buck paid attention to where he was and was surprised to find that he had driven home on autopilot. Not the safest thing to have happened but at least he was at home. Parking the car, he got out and then locked the door. Walking up the path to his apartment he was still lost in his own mind and didn’t notice that someone was waiting for him at his front door. It was only when he got his key ready to unlock the door did he notice that the person waiting was Eddie.

“Eddie! What are you doing here?”

“Well considering that you wouldn’t answer any of my phone calls, I figured that I’d just come here and wait for you. We need to talk.”

Buck stared at his friend. Was he going to tell him that he didn’t ever want to see him again, that they could only ever be work mates and nothing else? That it would be best if they never mentioned the kiss.   
He couldn’t tell just by looking at Eddie so he walked past him and opened the door to his apartment. Walking in, he waited until Eddie had followed him before shutting the door. Eddie made his way directly to the sofa and sat down, waiting for Buck to join him. Buck hesitated before following his friend and sitting down next to him but making sure that there was a safe distance between them. There was silence between them. Buck didn’t know where to start, what to say. He looked at Eddie, imploring him to understand. Before he could say anything, Eddie began to speak.

“What happened tonight? I wasn’t expecting that. Why didn’t you tell me that you were gay?”

“Because I don’t consider myself as gay. I have never been with a man, well not technically. I grew up being told that homosexuality was a sin and that people who were gay would go straight to hell and bun for an eternity. I can’t explain what happened tonight Eddie. I am sorry.”

Eddie shook his head, telling Buck that he had nothing to apologise for. Buck didn’t know what to say, it seemed like Eddie was not going to push him away. Buck hadn’t ruined their friendship.

“Buck, we have to discuss this further. We need to work out where this, where we are going.”

“I know. I will leave the call to you. But please know that I want to stay in yours and Christopher’s life.”

Eddie turned so that he was looking directly at Buck, making sure the younger man was watching him. Eddie slowly reached out and took his hand. Buck looked down, surprised at the move. He looked back up to Eddie’s face, trying not to read into what was happening. Eddie’s fingers rubbed along Buck’s knuckles and Buck felt goose bumps go up his arm. Surely, he wasn’t imagining this. Eddie smiled softly before he lent in and placed a soft kiss on Buck’s mouth before pulling back.

“But, but…” Buck continued to stare at Eddie.

“I’m sorry Buck, but I’ve been trying to figure out how to tell you how I feel about you for quite a while and when you kissed me tonight, I finally realised that this thing between us was real and not something in my imagination. You’ve never spoken about this with me. And, true, I haven’t mentioned it to you either. It’s not something that I speak of often. It’s not readily accepted in my culture but Shannon knew that I also like men and now I have you beside me, I feel strong again.”

Buck smiled and then laughed softly as he reached for Eddie. The kissed they shared was soft and passionate at the same time and Buck knew that they had much to talk about but they could do that in the morning. Tonight he was going to explore Eddie’s body and let him explore his.


	3. Chapter 3

Eddie woke up to the sun blinding him. For a split second he wondered why, as his window got the afternoon sun, not the morning. And then he remembered where he was and who he was with. Turning his head, he buried his nose in Buck’s hair and snuggled in a little closer. He had expected that they would have made love last night but instead, they had laid side by side staring at each other, talking about everything and nothing at the same time. They had kissed and rubbed each other but hadn’t taken it any further. Eddie smiled to himself. It had been everything that he had hoped it would be. Ever since Shannon had died, Eddie had locked himself away emotionally, not allowing his feelings for anyone to affect him. He hadn’t thought that he would let anyone break through his walls so soon. What didn’t surprise him was that it would be Buck. 

____________________________________________________________

Eddie glanced up and saw his new teammates looking at him. Shrugging internally, he continued to get dressed. When he got his shirt on, he turned his head again and caught sight of the man talking to Captain Nash. Eddie’s breath caught. He was definitely attractive but Eddie knew the boundaries. 

Over the next few weeks, as he got to know the rest of the team stationed at the 118, he realised that they were a family. Bobby made sure of that. When he had told them about Christopher and had shown them pictures, they had insisted on Eddie bringing him to the house so that they could meet him. The first time that he had brought Chris in, he had gravitated to Buck immediately and Buck to him. They had hung out almost exclusively and when Eddie had told Christopher that it was time to go, he had asked his father if Buck could come over for dinner. Eddie looked over at his teammate before telling Chris that Buck still had a shift to finish.

That hadn’t been the last time that Christopher had asked for Buck to come over for dinner but it was the last time that Eddie had said no. Between the two men, Eddie and Buck always managed to sync their timetables so that they could all have dinner together on a regular basis. Most of the time, they had the same roster but every now and then, either of the men could be moved to a different shift to cover a gap. When this happened, they would sometimes have breakfast. But it was always the three of them.

Eddie savoured their time together, even though he knew that it was all one-sided. Buck had never intimated that he had any interest in men in general or in Eddie specifically. He knew that he was setting himself up for heartache but he couldn’t seem to stop his feelings from growing. He found that he could talk to Buck about anything and the two men often talked late into the night after they had put Christopher to bed. They had discussed the options that Carla had shown Eddie in regards to Christopher’s education. When Eddie mentioned getting in touch with his wife, Buck encouraged him to do it. Telling him that giving his son the best was worth it. Eddie was surprised at the wisdom that the young man sometimes showed. With Buck, that wasn’t always the case but Eddie loved him anyway.

Eddie sat next to Buck, shell shocked with the directions that his thoughts had just taken. He loved Buck. How did he let that happen? He should have pulled away from Buck; he shouldn’t have kept their friendship so close. He should have seen that this was where his feelings were going. He was so stupid. What could he do now? He didn’t want to stop hanging out with Buck, and he didn’t think he could to be honest. When Buck left that night, he gave the young man a hug, as they always did, but this time Eddie held on for a little longer.

_________________________________________________________

Eddie sat outside in his car, waiting. Shannon was inside talking to the administrator and he was nervous. Everything rested on the two of them showing that Christopher deserved a spot in their school. He kept his eyes on the door and when he saw her leave he hoped out of the car and walked over to her. She was still a stunningly beautiful woman and he was taken aback with the resurgence of emotions that welled up in him. He also felt torn; his feelings for Buck warred with these feelings for Shannon. He’d never had feelings for two people at the same time before. It was eating him up, trying to decide which path to take.

Putting Christopher’s needs first, Eddie turned to Shannon and after Christmas when everything was out in the open, the two of them seemed to find a great rhythm together. They seemed to be heading in the same direction and Eddie was happy. He realised that being a family again had filled a whole in his heart. He knew that he was ready to settle down. Shannon and he could make a great life here with Christopher. When Shannon had told him that she was pregnant, he had been overjoyed and scared all at the same time. But he was ready; he wanted to make this family whole for now and forever. He intended to ask her to renew their vows. 

When Shannon had ended their renewed relationship, Eddie had been thrown. He was ready to move forward with her and she had ended it. He sat there, shocked at how the evening had ended. But that night’s shock had been nothing compared to actually losing her. She might have ended things but she would have still been in his life, because of their son. But now, she was gone. How was he going to go on? He had lost her twice now. He took life day by day and the only saving grace was Buck. He had been by his side throughout everything. Listening when Eddie needed to talk, sharing a quiet beer when he didn’t, holding him when he cried. He even cancelled on Ali to come over to Eddie’s whenever he called. 

And then his world shattered again. The explosion was terrifying enough but seeing Buck pinned under the truck nearly ripped him apart. That he couldn’t get to him was frustrating and every time he tried, many arms held him back. The young man with the bomb kept them all at bay and every time he heard Buck call out in pain he felt like his legs were going to give out. He needed to get over there, Buck needed him, needed them all. 

He paced the corridors waiting for news from the doctors about the surgery. Buck didn’t look great when they had gotten him out and as they loaded him onto the stretcher, Eddie took his hand, uncaring of their friends around them. He kept talking to Buck, telling him that he would be ok. That everything would be fine, even though he didn’t know that for sure. He didn’t even know if Buck had heard him but he needed to hear the words just as much as Eddie did.

When they got the news that he had been moved to a room and that the surgery had gone well, Maddie, Ali and Carla had gone to his room to wait for him to regain consciousness. Eddie had wanted to go to but he had decided that he needed to get home and let Christopher know that his Bucky was going to be fine. Abeula had called him, she had seen it all unfold on TV and unfortunately Christopher had as well. Christopher had freaked out thinking that it had been his father as soon as he had seen the 118 painted on the trucks roof but they had figured out fairly quickly that it wasn’t Eddie when they had seen him in the background. But Chris knew everyone at the 118; he was still very upset at the idea of any of them being hurt.

Throughout Buck’s rehab and numerous surgeries, both Eddie and Christopher were there for him. They would come over with dinner and spend a couple of hours with him whenever Maddie wasn’t there. When Buck became more mobile, they would go out for dinner. One time, they even went to the park and met up with Karen, Hen and Denny. More than once, when they had brought Buck back to their place, Eddie would make sure that Buck took his bed whilst he took the couch. He would often wake up before the younger man and just stand in his bedroom doorway watching Buck sleep. He was occasionally tempted to lie next to him, just wanting to be next to him. One night, he did just that. He hadn’t planned to but he’d had nightmares of Buck’s accident mixing with the day Shannon died keeping him up for most of the night and he was bone tired. It was still dark when he walked into his bedroom to grab an extra pillow and he made the mistake of lying down on the bed. The next thing he knew it was light outside and he had Buck in his arms. 

He hardly dared to breathe as he looked down at the other man. Somehow during the night Buck had rolled over and cuddled into Eddie without either man waking up and now Eddie had to figure out how to extract himself without waking Buck up and causing an awkward scene. Sliding backwards slowly, he let Buck’s head fall gently onto the pillow before slipping out of bed and leaving the room. He checked on Christopher as he made his way to the kitchen to start the coffee, knowing that he was lucky to have gotten out of there unseen. Today was a big day and he didn’t want anything to make it weird. Tomorrow Buck was going for his recertification to return to duty. Something that he knew Buck had been fixated on ever since the accident.

_______________________________________________________

Eddie’s anger at Buck wasn’t really at Buck, well some of it was, but mainly it was at the situation. Because of this lawsuit he couldn’t see Buck, couldn’t even talk to him. He had lashed out when Bobby had told them and when he heard Hen berating them he pulled up short. He knew more about Buck than anyone else here in the room. Things that Buck had told him late at night when he couldn’t sleep because of the pain in his leg. Things that saddened Eddie but also gave insight into the man that Buck was. But that didn’t stop the anger and frustration rising again when they “bumped” into Buck at the supermarket. He let his anger cloud his better judgement and almost dropped himself into trouble when he mentioned having to be bailed out of jail. Luckily the whole situation was sorted out fairly quickly and they had started to resume their weekly dinners. 

At first it was awkward and if it wasn’t for Christopher they may not have made it through that first dinner. He was the buffer and the glue that kept the two men communicating. They persevered and now they had the relationship that they had had before the lawsuit. And it was after one of those dinners, when Buck had kissed him and shattered his world once more. However, this time was joyous until Buck pulled back and practically ran away from him. Eddie didn’t know what the hell had just happened. Had he maybe instigated the kiss without really knowing it? Did it mean that Buck had feelings for him? Stronger feelings? Eddie tried to call him throughout the night but Buck never answered. Finally he gave up and called Maddie, told her that he couldn’t get hold of her brother and asked if she could reach out to him and find out where he was. Maddie was very curious but Eddie only told her that they had had an argument and that he was concerned about Buck. Maddie said that she would call him back once she had spoken to Buck. True to her word, she called and told him that Buck was at Bobby’s. Eddie thanked her and hung up before calling Abeula. After apologising about the late hour, asked her if she could come over and watch Chris for the rest of the night as he had to go out. As soon as she arrived, Eddie headed over to Buck’s to wait for him. He needed to get this all sorted out.

He was brought back to the present when Buck started to stir. Wiggling in closer to Eddie almost causing him to moan out loud at the friction against his penis. He tightened his arm that was draped over Buck’s waist, silently telling the young man to stop. The only response he got was a chuckle and more wiggling.

“If you don’t stop, you’ll be in a hell of a lot of trouble Buck.”

“Promises, promises.” Buck replied before rolling over and looking directly at Eddie. They lay like that for a heartbeat before Buck leaned in and kissed Eddie softly on the lips.

“Good morning,” he said shyly, “I have to admit, with the way I left things at your place last night; this was the last thing that I expected to happen.

“Neither did I but I’m glad that they did. We have wasted so much time. When did you know how you felt?”

“I think I’ve known for a while but I wasn’t ready to accept it. To accept who I am. You know about my past, does that help you understand?”

Eddie placed his hand on Buck’s cheek and told him that of course he understood, that he was glad that Buck felt safe enough with him, to be the man who he was.

“What do we do now?” Buck asked nervously.

“We take one day at a time. Figure it out as we go. What I told you last night was true. I’ve had feelings for you for a long time and whilst my family know about me, I don’t publically announce it to all and sundry. And to be honest, I’ve never had a committed relationship with a man. I have been with men over the years but the feelings I have for you I have only ever felt for one other person. And I married her.”

Buck’s eyes opened so wide that Eddie was concerned that he had broken the other man but then Buck smiled and pushed Eddie onto his back before rolling on top of him and kissing him soundly. He had never been happier in his entire life. True he had cared for Abby; he had even thought that he was in love with her but his feelings for her diminished when compared to how he felt for Eddie. He stopped kissing Eddie long enough to look down into his eyes.

“Buck, what are you worrying about now?”

“Will Chris understand? How will we explain this to him?”

“He loves you Buck, you have to know that. And as for us, he is used to seeing us together and we will tell him together that we care about each other and him and that we will always be honest with him.”


End file.
